I Believe in LOVE.
As the wind ignites the chimes on our blue barn I ponder what it means to know creation, the driving force behind all things: Love, Universal consciousness, The Creator, Great Spirit, Atum….GOD….There I said it, the G word. I used to be so triggered by that word; it has taken me a long time to realize that words are only signposts, descriptions for the sake of communication.
I am not religious and was not brought up that way but still I have been completely triggered by that word. I am not ‘one of those people’ I would think to myself. Until I personally had my own experiences with different beautiful religious communities, I used to be so judgmental to all religion, making the vast sweep that they are all the same. I would see myself as almost arrogantly ‘spiritual’ and as I have gone down many roads on this ‘spiritual quest’ you might call it, I have always been a seeker of TRUTH. The only way I know truth is what resonates deep in my heart and soul. There are no words for it, just a knowing.
As Albert Einstein has so eloquently expressed, ‘The most beautiful and profound emotion we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is at the root of all true science. That deeply emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible universe, is my idea of God.’ Even Einstein as a scientist is acknowledging a presence of a superior reasoning power in an incomprehensible universe.
It has nothing to do with religion. This is the place that I reside, in the mystical magical place of the unknowable and unspeakable only felt by my senses, beyond words.
I believe in LOVE.
I believe in goodness as the foundational fabric of creation. I believe that in every instance and every moment love reigns within us offering the opportunity to transcend our struggle and see the perfect unity of being.
Does my belief in love mean that I am bathed in the awareness of beauty and my life unfolds as one blissful sensation? Ummm… No. I sure wish it was! Sometimes I feel ignorance would truly be bliss. But for some reason I still believe. I just can’t shake this deep conviction that everything at its deepest level is perfect, that I AM in all truth absolutely as I have always been: luminous, stainless and free.
This conviction of Love has led me to many books, many teachers and ultimately many experiences. At first I was set on enlightenment: I just knew I could make it, become the watcher, ‘Ohmm’ myself into transparency and beyond, transcend suffering and become the shining path itself. The quest for purity was essential but materially misplaced. No book held the answers, no teacher could pass on the right stuff. Book after book, teacher after teacher. On and on it went, essentially it was a Cinderella journey trying to find my spiritual practice ‘glass slipper’. Funny looking back! Still it lingers in my thoughts; maybe that new author has something for me?… So many good quotes, so many insights, so much love: but always somehow a miss.
Now please don’t get me wrong, all of these books and teachers held various degrees of truth some a mere kernel others saturated in goodness and clarity. Each lesson garnered was essential to the emerging understanding of being, essential to my growth of awareness. The obstacle did not lie in the books or teachers but instead in my perception, my tangential angle of objective approach that needed reevaluation. There is a highly quoted Leonard Cohen lyric, “There’s a crack in everything, that’s where the light gets in”. One day Cohen’s words meant something more, a deeper understanding arose and I felt the light bulb turn on. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew I was onto something, something big. Books started to mean less, I became disinterested in teachers, and the only longing I felt was a deep calling to be still, watch the horizon of emergence and breathe. What was it? What was I groping for in the dark?
Instead of feeding dogma to the brain and ritual to the hands I was seeking direct experience. I had to find out what the ‘cracks in between’ held for me. I needed to experience it. I learned of polarity and how there really is no place ‘hot’ begins and ‘cold’ leaves off, or left begins and right departs, up to down , right to wrong, all is different degrees of expression, not polar opposites. Our stance within the experience creates the angle of viewing life. Object creates subject. My perspective creates my world. Whoa. Wait a minute right?!
If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?
I was being led to experience deeper levels of awareness and understanding day by day, I started to feel that sense of harmonizing with truth more often, in fact almost everyday. I kept trying to grab hold of truth, trying to capture right action, righteousness. Every time I tried to write it, say it or contain it I realized I was mistaken, that there was still some perceptual misalignment. So on I went trying to stay open.
Eventually I began to see the light that Leonard Cohen sang about. It was not only a magical light and a perceptible glow but the dawning of awareness. Connection to the infinite emergence. It was knowing. In all my Self directed learning throughout the years as a spiritual aspirant I had successfully missed the most basic and fundamental pillar of knowing.
I had missed the fact: Everything is perfect as it is.
I now see what lays within every moment .
Liberation. Perfect Peace. Zero Point. Reign of Grace.
It seems to me that the human urge to judge and create rights and wrongs has engineereed not only judicial and common cultural practices but it has also seeped into the vast majority of spiritual practices. I had unwittingly questioned everything except the first deception. There is no need for righteousness and seeking if everything is perfect, if our foundational essence is pure uncompromising love!
Now hold on, I can hear you… This does not mean I condone violence, inflicting hurt or any other life dampening activities; in fact just the opposite. I call upon all who sense a disturbance in the ‘Force of Love’ to act upon that sense and flood that disturbance with your light of love. Use your lens of awareness to magnify and shine love bright.
Let the FORCE OF LOVE be all that stands between us.